


too little, too late, kinda, not really

by RichBitch2000



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29026812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichBitch2000/pseuds/RichBitch2000
Summary: Thomas Barrow was getting married. To a woman. It didn't really make sense to Jimmy either.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent
Comments: 31
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

“I’d like to make an announcement, if that’s alright with you Mr Carson.”

Jimmy glanced up from where he had been studying his meal thoughtlessly, just inside the doorway was Thomas and the new maid, Catherine. Bizarrely, they seemed to be holding hands. He felt himself frown.

“You may proceed, if you must, Mr Barrow,” Carson allowed pompously. Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“We’re getting married,” Thomas announced proudly, a large and frankly unnerving grin on his face. The servant’s hall screeched to a halt; he could’ve told them all he was joining the circus a week Monday to a lesser response. They all stared at him, mouths gaping open unattractively. Jimmy felt his eyes bulge out of their sockets, barely managing to swallow his mouthful of mashed potato before it got lodged in his throat. It was clear from their response, that nearly everyone knew about Thomas, about his differences.

“What?” Jimmy exclaimed, “You’re kidding, aren’t you?” He let out a high, unconvincing laugh. 

Thomas’ expression darkened slightly, but before he could reply, he was interrupted. 

“No, of course not,” Catherine said with a chuckle, “No, me and Thomas, we’ve decided to get married.”

Mrs Hughes seemed to be fighting for composure, “This is the first I’m hearing about this, are you both quite sure about this?” That was a very valid question, Jimmy thought, head spinning unpleasantly. 

“Sorry about that, Mrs Hughes, we weren’t hiding nothing I swear, but we both just realised just how perfect we are for each other, and knew we couldn’t wait another minute longer!” Catherine declared proudly, a large smile plastered on her face. She must have some kind of blackmail on him, Jimmy pondered, something to force him to marry her, something absolutely awful he couldn’t stand getting out. 

But no, it appeared not. Not when Thomas took the statement with a wide grin of his own, even giving her a fond sidewards look and nudging her side teasingly with their joined hands.

The whole table seemed absolutely shocked. At least he wasn’t the only one blindsighted, he thought distractedly. Mr Bates and Anna were exchanging wide eyed glances, seemingly having a whole conversation without words. Alfred was still staring between Thomas and Catherine with a furrowed brow. Meanwhile, Baxter’s face seemed to have settled on the colour of oatmeal, and she had a particularly dismayed expression. For perhaps the first time, Jimmy was disappointed that O’Brien had left, he would’ve paid his years wages to see her reaction to this.

Carson appeared to have gotten over his immediate bewilderment, and stood immediately, (with the rest of the staff hurrying to join him) before walking over to Thomas to shake his hand enthusiastically, grinning at him uncharacteristically.

“Wonderful, Mr Barrow, just wonderful,” he enthused. Thomas appeared slightly overwhelmed by his enthusiasm, Jimmy was sure he had never received even half such a positive reaction from him before. “I’m sure that His Lordship will have no objections, given the circumstance he may just let you have a luncheon in the house I’m sure!” Thomas’ smile turned slightly stale.

“Mr Carson!” Mrs Hughes interjected, glancing around nervously.

“What circumstance is that then Mr Carson?” piped up one of the housemaids.

Mrs Hughes brushed her off quickly, “Never you mind, finish your dinner, it’ll be going cold at this rate.” She turned back to the couple, “When are you planning to tell his Lordship?” To which Thomas explained that he was going to tell him tomorrow, and hopefully get into contact with the church by the end of the week. God, Jimmy thought faintly, it’s already Wednesday.

“Well then, I suppose you’d better sit down and eat then hadn’t you both? Can’t get married if one of you keels over from being underfed.”

Jimmy couldn’t keep it to himself any longer when Thomas sat next to him at the table, and blurted out, “You’re marrying a woman you’ve known for three weeks. I mean you could barely stand to be around her yesterday! I thought I was the impulsive one between the two of us!” 

Thomas gave him a wry smile, “What, you want me to be like the Bates over there? Spend what feels like a decade or two agonizing over it, then get locked up for murder.”

“Maybe not a decade, no. But maybe a year. Hell, a month or two would be better. Plus, there’s you know, the other thing.”

Thomas’ spine stiffened, but he kept a strained smile on his face. “Well, what can I say, we just have a lot in common that’s all, meant to be together you could say.”

“Are you just sure you’re, y’know, right each other?” Jimmy pressed, feeling a headache forming.

Thomas replied with a frown, “Quite sure, thank you.” There wasn’t much Jimmy could say to that so, after giving him a surely wobbly smile, he just returned to his food.

—

Just as Mr Carson had predicted, Lord Grantham hadn’t had a single complaint at the announcement. In fact, he had even offered them one of the cottages on the land near the Bates’ as a wedding gift, (he had not made any promises of the use of his own house to hold any guests, despite Carson’s claims).Perhaps he was just as delighted as Carson was that Thomas had seemingly abandoned his long life of criminal activity.

Grantham had even deigned to announce it during the family dinner, toasting his best wishes to the happy couple. He had seemed oblivious to the incredulous stares from his daughter, the startled chortle from his mother, and Bransom spitting his wine back into his cup rather dramatically. Thomas had seemed pleased, giving a cheery “Thank you my Lord, I’ll be sure to pass that on to Catherine.” But Jimmy, by now an expert (or so he liked to think, recent evidence did rather go against his theory) in Thomas facial expressions, had seen the edge of a smirk on his lips.

Jimmy just couldn’t picture it, Thomas playing the happy husband, giving his wife (Thomas’ wife!) a kiss on his way home from work, before sleeping in the same bed together. He had seemed so proud of his, well, lavenderness, that it seemed incomprehensible to Jimmy that he had had a sudden change of heart and decided to marry the first housemaid that batted her eyelashes at him.

She had, batted her eyelashes that is, and quite shamelessly too. Catherine had been hanging around Thomas whenever she could wrangle it since she had arrived, often to the obvious entertainment of most of the rest of the staff when she was very overt. It had seemed that Thomas had been just as amused, if a little uncomfortable, often withdrawing an arm she had been touching playfully, and leaving swiftly with a witty retort over his shoulder. Rather than seeming discouraged by his behaviour, it had seemed to fuel the girl, and often left her sitting there with a contemplative smile on her face as she watched him walk away. 

Well, Jimmy thought as he started to collect the empty plates, it turned out she had been right to smile, she had succeeded in catching him in the end.


	2. Chapter 2

Jimmy waited eagerly for the moment that Thomas would become reticent, or snappish, or give any indication that his upcoming nuptials were affecting him in any negative way, but it never came. On the contrary, with every day passing closer to the wedding, he seemed to become more buoyant than the day before. When passing on the information that he had booked the church for four weeks Thursday, he had been grinning like a child that had been told that yes, you can eat the family’s entire supply of chocolate for breakfast. This was in direct contrast with Jimmy’s mood, which seemed to plummet to new depths every morning when he first set eyes on Thomas' beaming and flushed face. Often at night, when he would usually be chatting with Jimmy, he could be seen sitting at the dinner table, cigarette in hand, discussing wedding arrangements with Catherine with an alarming enthusiasm.

The rest of the staff had seemingly moved on from their shock, apart from a few bewildered looks every now and then, and instead could often be heard offering their unprompted opinion on which flowers would set off the colour of Catherine’s eyes or which, according to some fable Jimmy had never heard of, would mean the couple would be cursed with bad luck until the end of their days. Jimmy, for his part, couldn’t understand how they had accepted this bizarre turn of events so easily. He wanted to rage at them both, then lie down and cry in frustration every time he saw them together.

Perhaps it would have been easier to swallow if he had had even a slightest hint that this could even be a possibility. Maybe he had misunderstood Thomas when he had declared that he was in love with him? Was Thomas not actually a homosexual? But no, Jimmy thought with a shake of his head, even he could not have misinterpreted a kiss on the lips. Besides, no other man he had met, whenever his hand brushed theirs, got red at the tips of their ears, nor did they glance at him quite so often. For all intents and purposes, Thomas appeared to still be in love with him too, engaging him in conversation whenever they passed in the corridor, or smiling at him over dinner. 

So why was he marrying some woman he had barely even talked to before? It made Jimmy’s head spin whenever he thought about it too often, but he couldn’t seem to think of much else.

—

Jimmy hadn't thought too much about it when Thomas had received a letter at breakfast two and a half weeks before the third worst day of Jimmy’s life (the first being the death of his mother, the second involving an embarrassing trauma he refused to even think about but was often reminded of whenever visiting the Grantham Arms). But his attention was quickly drawn to him when Thomas stood up sharply from the table, his hand covering his mouth, and stuttered out a quick “S’cuse me,” before hurrying out of the room and up the staircase.

Glancing quickly around the table, Jimmy saw only Miss Baxter had noticed anything amiss; she was frowning at the doorway and looked seconds away from standing up and following Thomas.

Hurriedly, Jimmy stood himself, giving the table an excuse that he couldn’t remember by the time he reached the doorway, and made his way towards Thomas’ room, stopping it just before it was closed in his face.

“Alright Thomas? It’s just that, you um, left in a hurry,” God, Jimmy thought, he was usually a bit smoother than this.

Thomas didn’t seem to have heard him anyway, staring at the letter, and then Jimmy in a frozen sort of shock. 

“She’s coming,” Thomas said dazedly. “She’s actually going to come. I sent an invitation thinking, well.” He didn’t finish the thought, instead letting out a slightly hysterical laugh.

“What do you mean, who’s coming? Coming to what?” Thomas wasn’t always an open book, but he was rarely cryptic, not with Jimmy at least. He often liked to confuse Daisy with some blaze comment that left her with confused frown on her flushed face and furrow in her brow.

“Helen, she’s coming to the wedding,” Thomas beamed.

“Who, the bloody hell, is Helen,” Jimmy ground out, he was getting more confused by the second.

“My sister, Helen, her and her kids, they're coming to the wedding. And her husband I suppose.” His grin was almost painfully big.

“Are you telling me that I’ve told you about my vendetta against my primary school teacher, and you haven’t mentioned once that you’ve got a sister?”

“I haven’t seen her in years. Her husband took a disliking to me,” Thomas’ eyes dropped to the floor. “He convinced her that they shouldn’t see me anymore. But, I think she wants to reconcile, you know, because I’m getting married. Not going against the word of the Lord anymore, as my old Dad would say.” He said it lightly, but he hadn’t raised his eyes. 

“You're sister wouldn’t talk to you ‘cus of that? God that’s shite.” 

Thomas shrugged before saying nonchalantly, “I was just grateful that they didn’t call the police at the time. Still it’ll be great, having them there, I’ll get to meet her kids, I’ve never really got to be a proper Uncle until now.” 

Jimmy, having seen how much Thomas doted on the upstairs kids when they weren’t even related to him, could believe it’d probably mean a lot to him. It seems almost cruel that Thomas, who seemed to be naturally paternal, would never be able to have children himself.

“Speaking of the wedding,” Thomas said, levering himself off the bed with his hands on his knees, “I was hoping you’d be me best man. Haven’t got any secret brothers lying around I could ask you see.”

Jimmy felt his stomach flip uncomfortably, he wasn’t sure what to feel. Should he be grateful that Thomas saw him as a brother, even if the thought sat strangely in his head? But if he was pleased, why did the image of him standing next to his friend as he signed his life away to a woman he claimed to love make him feel like he wanted to throw himself off of the abbey roof?

“Of course,” he replied eventually, “I would be thrilled.” He felt almost everything but.

\---

Jimmy tipped his head back with a sigh, a dull thud sounding from where it connected with the wall behind him. He had never been wedding suit shopping before, but he hadn’t been expecting it to take quite this long. 

He hadn’t even been invited really. But when Thomas had mentioned it to Carson over the dinner table a few days ago, he had volunteered to accompany him without even thinking about it. He’d declared it a best man duty, with a grin at Thomas. 

“I suppose I can spare you both, seeing as it’s such an important occasion.” Carson had said, as if he was the most magnanimous man on the planet. Jimmy had given him a smile, keeping his mouth shut in case he managed to talk himself out of the afternoon off.

Though now, Jimmy thought, given how much time he had spent sitting here while Thomas tried on suits he refused to even show anyone before declaring them terrible and changing out of them again, he’d sooner have been staring at his own reflection in some silver he was polishing. Although he did have to admit the running commentary from the back was rather amusing.

“Well it’s a start, I suppose,” he heard distantly as Thomas finally made his way towards him, “Got a way to go yet though, I should think.” Jimmy felt himself smile, Thomas never complained about Jimmy, but he seemed to love grumbling about absolutely everything else and it never failed to amuse him.

Well, Jimmy thought, if this wasn’t the perfect suit, then the perfect suit didn’t exist. It seemed to make Thomas look like the star out of a picture. The light grey colour brought out his eyes (so that's what that meant), while it’s fit broadened his shoulders impossibly. He looked sophisticated and suave, like he could step out of a car and be someone Jimmy would serve as a guest of the house, and he wouldn’t even be put out about it. He looked beautiful.

“What do you think, then, I’m not a massive fan of the grey myself. Still, I like the cut.” Jimmy snapped out of the staring contest he’d been having with Thomas’ cheekbones he didn’t even realise he’d been in.

“What? No! No, I like the colour! Suits you,” he stammered out, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. “Get that one, definitely.” He felt very warm all of a sudden, and a bit light headed.

“Do you thi- are you feeling alright Jimmy? You’ve gone a bit red.” Jimmy nodded quickly in reply.

All of a sudden the passive need to leave turned into a desperate one. Standing abruptly, he hastily fetched his hat and forced it onto his head. “Yes, I’m fine, just fine yeah, I’m just going to wait outside. That ones great though.” 

He left the tailors, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole, and wondering if his whole view of himself didn’t just change completely.

It was one thing, Jimmy reasoned as he cooled down by leaning against the brick wall, to find a man attractive, and quite another to be actually attracted to him. He could just appreciate the handsomeness of a friend, especially one who was considered by many already to be very handsome, if the gossiping he had heard in the washroom had been accurate. It didn’t mean anything; it couldn’t mean anything. Not least because even if it did mean anything, nothing could happen, because Thomas was getting married, and he definitely wasn’t marrying Jimmy.

The thought made him inexplicably sad, but, as Thomas joined him with an inquiring frown, he plastered a smile on his face, sure that this strangeness he was feeling was just a phase he was going through (perhaps jealous that his friend was getting married before him, even though he had never particularly wanted to be wed before) and he would get over himself soon.


	3. Chapter 3

The day had finally arrived. It felt like yesterday when Thomas had spun his life on it’s axis with his dinner announcement, but it also felt like Jimmy’s whole life had been leading up to it. At work, it was the only topic of conversation. During his time off after the Granthams had gone to bed, he was asked his opinion on flowers and had spent his half day getting fitted for a fancy suit he could barely remember a detail of, other than its grey colour. But it had finally arrived, and he wished, to any God that would listen, that it would somehow be a lot farther away than the half-an-hour or so it was now.

He felt extremely warm. It could have been because of the heavy layers of suit Jimmy was wrapped in. It could have been the fact that it was one of the hottest days of the year so far. It may have been the thick, humid air in the church he was standing expectantly at the front of. Regardless of the reason, his head was swimming with it, leaving his thoughts scattered and his attention span brief. Repeatedly, he would catch himself staring at Thomas’ face, searching for a tiny facial expression, or a twitch, or something that would show his uncertainty.

But no, Thomas had been his old composed self all morning. When Jimmy had caught him in the corridor just past five, he was sleepy, but lighthearted. At breakfast he had been smiling and even had a civil conversation with Alfred of all people. Almost worst of all was on the drive to the church, when he had been downright merry. But what really made his stomach feel like it was collapsing in on itself was the content, private smile he had donned now. Completely at ease with the knowledge that he was at the end of an aisle, about to get married.

“If you’re gonna leg it, now’s your best bet I reckon, before any of that legal stuff starts.” He tried to strike a jovial, couldn’t-be-happier-for-you-really tone, but based on the unimpressed raise of an eyebrow Thomas gave him, he didn’t quite manage it.

“I’m alright thanks,” he said haultily, giving Jimmy a long stare, before softening. “You look like you might take off though. What’s wrong? Feet starting to burn a little?” 

“Well if yours aren’t, I can’t see mine having any trouble.” Watching Thomas’ face cloud over, he wished he could stuff the words back into his mouth as soon as they left it.

“I’m getting married aren’t I?” Thomas said quietly with an inscrutable expression on his face and a spine stiff. “Suppose our Almighty must have decided that I’ve repented enough for my sins of the past enough.”

“You didn’t have to repent for nothin’ Thomas, and don’t let nobody tell you different.”

He hadn’t realised before he’d said it that it’s sentiment was something he should have told Thomas before. Should have let him know that Jimmy didn’t think he was awful, or disgusting, or anything else you’d hear from a particularly drunk shithead in a pub if you leant a bit too close to a man. He should have told him because it was true, and all friends should know that you don’t think that such a large piece of them was fundamentally wrong. But, as he looked at the painfully insecure look on Thomas’ face, he thought he should have told him sooner just to be able to see his eyes crinkle at the corners in such a soft way.

“Thanks, Jimmy,” he replied, his eyes darting around Jimmy’s face, then falling back to the church doors. 

Jimmy opened his mouth again, to say what he wasn’t quite sure, but he was interrupted.

“All ready then Mr. Barrow?” It was the priest, a short, rather boring man, with the most monotone voice Jimmy had ever heard.

“Absolutely Father David. Ready to begin when you are,” Thomas replied. 

Jimmy closed his mouth and looked down the aisle.

“Well the bride’s waiting outside, so we’ll begin.” The priest gave a small hand gesture to the organ player. 

The music blared, and as one the guests rose, apart from Alfred who had a quick look around at everyone else standing from his place sitting on a pew, then hastily followed suit.

Somehow, Jimmy suspected a liberal amount of wide, innocent, pleading eyes on behalf of all three parties, Thomas had talked the Grantham into having Sybbie and George be a part of the wedding. Despite not knowing them even an eighth as much as Thomas did, he couldn’t help but find them adorable as they stumbled hand in hand towards them. 

Little Sybbie was wearing a puffy white dress apparently supplied by the family, as it looked like it probably cost more than everyone else’s outfits, including the brides, combined. She was practically her cousin behind her in her enthusiasm, while George struggled to keep up on his chubby little legs stuffed into posh black shoes to match his suit. They were both basking in the attention of the adoring guests. Once they reached the top of the aisle, after dumping her entire basket of flowers on a single spot on the floor as she’d clearly forgot to scatter them as she walked, Sybbie tugged George towards their seats next to their nanny with a large toothy grin aimed at Thomas. 

Jimmy’s heart stuttered a little as he watched Thomas grin back.

The page boy and flower girl were followed by a conflicted looking Daisy in a pretty dress with her hair loose around her shoulders.. From what he had heard from Ivy during a trip to the kitchens, she’d been thrilled to have been picked to be a part of the wedding, but very downhearted about the fact that Thomas was settling down with a girl who was not her. Still, she looked enthusiastic enough and her shy smile suited her very well, if the sharp look in her eyes was ignored.

He then saw a flash of bright white turning into the church and all of the air seemed to have been sucked out of the room. Catherine had an almost manic smile on her face; she seemed incandescent with joy. She was walking down the aisle by herself, which was a bit unusual. But the only reason she’d give if asked was that her parents didn’t have the best relationship, and she’d not spoken to them in years. Besides, she carried herself with confidence, so the lack of her father by her side was barely noticeable. After giving a quick scan of the crowd her eyes locked onto Thomas, standing there all handsome in his grey suit and combed hair in a looser style than normal, and she looked as if she wanted to laugh.

She reached the two of them and stepped forward, where Thomas held her hands in his own.

“We’re doing this then?” she asked in a delighted whisper.

“Well we’ve got this far,” Thomas relied. “And our outfits cost far too much to call it off now.”

They shared a private, amused smile. The priest started talking, but all Jimmy could do was stare at the side of Thomas' face as he listened, not taking in a word himself.

“-to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part,” Thomas was saying, determination settled deep into his features, his eyes gazing into Catherine’s.

‘God’, he thought wistfully, ‘I wish he was saying that to me’

He felt like a lightning bolt had struck his spine.

Oh, Jimmy thought absently, his heart seemed to sink to somewhere near his toes. Oh. He was in love with Thomas. No matter how much he had denied it, believing himself to be like any other regular man, he was a full on homosexual for Thomas Barrow. He felt himself sway on his feet.

He didn’t just find him attractive in his wedding suit, he was desperate to see him out of it. He didn’t want to chat occasionally when they had lunch, he wanted to spend every minute plastered to his side, just in case he would have missed any quick remarks Thomas would say that would leave him in stitches and smiling as he went to sleep that night. He wanted to be the one responsible for the good things in Thomas’ life, the reason he smiled when he woke up, what he looked forward to seeing most after a long day. 

It was possibly the worst time he could ever have had this realisation. Standing not a foot away from the man he was apparently desperately in love with, as he married a woman, years after he had already been offered everything he now realised he wanted.

He ached to cry out, to stop this ridiculousness before it went too far, but he was frozen in place. What could he even say, “Stop the wedding, it seems I would like to live in glorious sin with this man, and I know deep, deep, deep down he feels the same way”? 

But no, he must not feel the same way, he reasoned. Just because Thomas still cared about him, of that most he was sure, it didn’t mean he was still in love with him. He had clearly decided that this marriage was the best for him. Regardless of the fact that he wasn’t interested in women, which Jimmy was still convinced of. However, if this was what Thomas was deciding to do, he couldn’t stop him, not if it made him happy. And if the wide smile, and affection in his eyes as he looked at his bride, was any indication, it was making him very happy indeed.

Numb, he didn’t realise it was his turn to step forward with the rings until Thomas had asked him for the second time, to the audible amusement of both the couple and the crowd. He fumbled with lead fingers to reach into his pocket, producing two identical simple gold bands, ignored how much he wanted to shove one onto his own finger, or lob them both into a lake, and dropped them in Thomas’ outstretched hand.

No, he couldn’t say anything, no matter how much his head screamed at him to do something right now, he couldn’t do a single thing. He didn’t react at all when Thomas cupped Catherine’s face in his hands, nor when he gave her an enthusiastic kiss to the applause of the crowd. He had made his bed, now he had to lie in it, even if the bedding was made from needles and his mattress was floating in the middle of the ocean without a ship in sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind and enthusiastic comments, everyone who's left a kudos, and anybody who's read it! It really helps my motivation to keep writing!


	4. Chapter 4

Standing in the kitchen of a newlywed couple, one half of which he’d realised he was in love with in the middle of his wedding ceremony, as nearly everyone he knew fawned over Catherine’s wedding dress, or the kitchen table Jimmy had helped Thomas carry for nearly a mile, was the last place he wanted to be.

However, he resolved to be a good friend and stick it out, stuffing his face with a ham sandwich to try and calm himself down, scanning the crowd with his eyes for a viable source of distraction.

Jimmy hadn’t actually met Helen, the mysterious sister from a long lost past, before the ceremony. He hadn't really realised before, lost in a hazy melancholy which he was now understanding was just heartbreak in a silly hat, but now he had a sudden desire to seek her out. If he couldn’t talk to one Barrow (his mind stubbornly refusing to include the new Barrow) then maybe another one, less occupied by swarms of seemingly never ending well wishers, would be the next best thing. 

Helen wasn’t difficult to pick out of the crowd, even discounting the fact that Jimmy knew everyone else there. With her long, dark hair, and intelligent eyes that were flitting from person to person, she was very recognisable as a sister to Thomas. Even the warm glances she was giving her short, sandy-haired husband as he handed her a cup of tea were similar to the ones Thomas bestowed on him in a simpler time.

Summoning up a charming smile, he wandered over, putting his hand out for her husband to shake.

“Hello! How do you do? I’m Jimmy, the, ah, best man.” The man squoze his hand tightly, giving him a hard stare, focusing on his perfectly styled hair. 

“Right, a friend of Thomas’ then are you?” he asked harshly, an unspoken question lying under his words. Before, Jimmy even had a chance to splutter out a reply, Helen was poking her husband harshly in the side with a roll of her eyes.

“Well I suppose he must be, mustn't he?” she asked pointedly, “to be the best man at Thomas’ wedding.”

Jimmy interjected, they were clearly thinking that Jimmy might be involved with Thomas, which given his recent realisation, was something he didn’t exactly want to encourage. That wouldn’t help Thomas’ bid to see his sister again.

“Yeah, that’s me, Thomas’ mate, and I’m guessing you’re his sister and brother-in-law.”

Helen smiled, it was remarkably eerie to one he knew well even if it lacked the usual warmth. “Yes, that’s me, and this extremely friendly and approachable man with me is my husband, Frank. Over there bothering the groom is my daughter Florence and her brother Phillip.”

“Well Thomas’ barely stopped talking all week about how excited he was to see his niece and nephew.” he commented, watching as Thomas leaned down to talk to two excitable toddlers who were clawing at his legs. “He’s good with children, the nanny up at the house is begging him to take over half of the time.” A slight exaggeration, but not by much.

“That’s my Thomas,” his sister said, her smile turning almost wistful, “He never had a friend who was his own age, but toddlers and adults loved him.”

Jimmy hummed, unsure what to say to that. He tried desperately to try and think of a new avenue of conversation, but was thankfully noticed they had gotten Thomas attention and he was walking over to them, holding one little hand in each of his own.

“Hello Helen, glad you could make it. Frank,” he nodded awkwardly at his brother-in-law. His expression was very uncertain. “Phil and Ren were just telling me all about your neighbour’s dog. Her name’s Tilly apparently, very cute, very aggressive,” Thomas said with an indulgent smile in their direction. 

“Yeah, little runts always getting under the fence, got our Ren a couple of weeks ago,” Helen said, with a cautious spine.

“I had to get stitches, Uncle Thomas! There was so much blood, and Phil cried.”

“Maybe don’t go telling everyone about that, Florence,” Helen replied over Phillip’s indignant shout (“No, I didn’t! Don’t listen to her Uncle Thomas!”)

“It’s only Uncle Thomas! I can tell him everything can’t I?” Florence said with a confused pout. Helen hesitated for a moment, sharing a look with her husband, before glancing at Thomas’ uncertain expression.

“Yes, I suppose you can tell Uncle Thomas what you like.”

If Jimmy had thought Thomas had looked happy recently, it had nothing on what he looked like now. There was a vulnerableness in his eyes that Jimmy had only seen in him before, when he’d rejected him for the very first time. It didn’t make Jimmy’s insides feel like they’d turned inside out this time though. His blossoming smile was extremely beautiful in its rawness. It wasn’t often that Thomas didn't look like he was calculating his every move, down to the precise quirk of his lips. But now his face was an open book, and Jimmy could tell just by looking at it that having this small part of his family back meant the world to him. Thomas looked so pleased, that Jimmy couldn’t help but be glad that it had all turned out this way, despite the gaping pit in his stomach that seemed to be widening every time he thought about it. 

\---

Post-wedding life for Jimmy was strange. Most of his time was taken up by work, and he often found himself volunteering for tasks that he otherwise wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole. Carson, rather than looking impressed as he would if Alfred had put in a bit of extra effort, often gave him a sceptical glance and a “I suppose that would be alright James, but don’t be expecting any half days in reward,” that was just oozing suspicion. Jimmy supposed that he did have a right to be concerned, after all, he’s sure that Carson would have a thing or two to say if he knew that he was only offering to repolish the silver for the billionth time in two days to take his mind off of the under butler he was more than a bit heartbroken over.

Time passed quickly. Thomas was still a large presence in his life over the next three months, they worked together for more than half the day most days after all. But when he left for the night with his wife, a wave and a smile to Jimmy as he helped Catherine into her coat, he felt his absence all the more keenly. He would often be told off by Alfred or Daisy for only playing mauldin tunes on the piano, which they said was alright for a one off, but did not need to be done every night for an hour before he dragged himself off up to bed. Whereas before, he and Thomas might sit for hours, telling stories from their day, recounting ridiculous newspaper articles that should never rightfully have been published, or just sitting enjoying each other's company.

He couldn’t justify going to Thomas’ cottage every night, not even to himself, so he was often reduced to talking to Alfred during dinner, which was far from Jimmy’s idea of a good time. But he’d already been over for dinner six out of the last twelve days, and he worried people might get a bit suspicious if he went over yet again. The Barrow’s cooking wasn’t that good, and despite himself Jimmy could admit that eating a potato that they hadn’t managed to burn to the bottom of a saucepan was sometimes not all that bad.

He was saved yet another complaint by Alfred, this one about his second favorite hair pomade company going under (“But what would I do if they don’t have my favorite in stock at the barbers Jimmy?”), by the arrival of the beaming couple. 

“Hello everyone!” Catherine said, characteristically cheary but with a frantic excitement in her eyes. “We’ve got some wonderful news! We just couldn’t wait to tell everyone.”

“You couldn’t wait, you mean,” Thomas said with a large, genuine, if slightly alarming, grin, nudging her with their joined hands.

“No, I couldn’t,” she laughed unselfconsciously. For someone who couldn’t wait to tell them news, she sure was taking her time actually telling them. His stomach clenched tightly at the thought that they might be moving away. They wouldn’t would they, they wouldn’t leave their jobs, their house, their friends, Jimmy? 

“Today, if you would, Catherine, Mr Barrow.” Yes, please, thought Jimmy, just put him out of his misery.

“Right,” Thomas said, taking a deep breath. “We’re having a baby! Twelve weeks or so, we think.”

Thomas, Jimmy thought dumbstruck, seemed to be making a habit of causing the whole staff to stare at him in complete confusion. How did one man seem to perpetually be in possession of completely baffling news? Pregnant, by Thomas? But that implied that that they had had sex, surely. The thought didn’t compute. Even in Jimmy’s saddest recent moments, he had been sure that Thomas was actually a homosexual. Had he somehow misconstrued the sweet love confession he had received years ago. God, he thought, he’d managed to construct an entire conversation, and lots of tender looks over the years, to delude himself into thinking this man loved him.

Thankfully, he then remembered the midnight kiss he had also been given, and realised that maybe he wasn’t insane quite yet. But then that meant that Thomas had done something to himself, something that made him not a homosexual, just as Jimmy was figuring out that for at least the last sixth or so of his life he actually was one. A lot, he thought, had to be said about their timing.

But still, Thomas and a woman. In bed. Together. The thought, although it made him slightly hot under the collar, did not sit well in his head. He supposed that a part of himself hadn’t been entirely convinced that Thomas was actually interested in Catherine. Convinced that Thomas wouldn’t want to actually have sex with her, and that he’d been just going along with the idea, or just got on well with her. That thought did not hold up to this new information.

Jimmy shook his head clear and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Maybe now wasn’t the best time to be considering the logistics of this new development, that could be done later when he was alone and had an ample amount of free time ahead of him. 

Instead, he stood quickly, and was the first to walk over to the couple in the shocked silence of the room. He put his hand out in front of himself, and forced a grin on his face. 

“Brilliant, that’s great!” he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, as he shook Thomas’ hand. “Our Mr Barrow’s having a kid, we’ll alert the locals now so they have time to prepare.” Then gave Cathrine a quick smile, and a kiss on the cheek.

His action seemed to startle the rest of the staff out of their silence. Almost unanimously, most of them started giving their congratulations.

It was startlingly similar to how it’d been just a quarter of a year ago now, at a different dinner, with the same people, and the same couple giving Jimmy heart palpitations. The staff were even responding the same for the most part. 

Anna and Bates were all raised eyebrows and silent communication. Carson looked as thrilled as he possibly could with any news regarding a staff member that wasn’t Mrs Hughes or Lord Grantham. Baxter looked mostly just as confused as Jimmy, she’d probably been under the same illusions as Jimmy then. 

Somehow, he managed not to rage at them, or start begging them for an explanation. He just gave them a heartfelt goodnight, and went up to be with an unheard complaint of a headache. He was proud of himself for his composure, so much so that when he cried himself to sleep only hours later, he didn’t feel guilty at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	5. Chapter 5

He really wanted to hate Catherine. She was the woman who had stolen Thomas' affection from him, and was pregnant with his child. Before she had appeared in their lives he had been the recipient of Thomas’ attention. The one he told his witty comments too. He still did, to an extent, but those times that Thomas instead turned to his wife, it felt like his throat had closed to the size of a pinhole.

The problem was that she was just too bloody nice! She’d never turned Jimmy away when he practically begged a dinner invitation at their cottage, just rolled her eyes and gave a fond comment about making him pay rent. Didn’t have a care in the world when he stole her husband for a drink at the pub whenever they both had a bit of time off. 

Catherine had a way of making him laugh too. She may not have the same witty sarcasm as Thomas, but she was great at telling a story, giving the most obscure details, and exaggerating just the right amount, that he was often left laughing on his way back to the abbey just recalling things she’d said.

He could see why Thomas was so in love with her. Every time they were together they radiated contentment. They looked at each other like they were in a joke that the rest of the world should wish they were in on. 

More often than he could count, they had dragged him into conversations about their baby, what colour the nursery should be painted, whose features it would inherit more from, teasing him and calling him ‘Uncle Jimmy’. While he liked the inclusion, once the conversations were over, he watched them lose themselves in their own little world again, and his heart sank back to where it had begun. 

“What’s been wrong with you recently?” Thomas finally asked as he and Jimmy were painting the kid’s bedroom (they had eventually decided on a blue reminiscent of the sky, both Catherine and Jimmy’s first choice) when they both managed to get some time off together. Catherine had gone out for a walk hours earlier, after having a lighthearted complaint to them about how the baby was never going to let her keep anything more than a dry piece of toast down until it was born, and getting some time off allowed by Mrs Hughes as a result.

“Northing. Why would you think anything’s wrong?” Jimmy replied nervously, instantly thinking of everything he’d done recently that proved something was wrong.

“You just seem quite down is all. Daisy told me that you’ve been playing such depressing piano that even Moseley’s getting depressed, that you’re going to bed before midnight, haven’t taken the piss out of Alfred for days. Just haven’t been yourself you know,” Thomas said as he liberally applied more paint onto his brush before transferring it on to the wall.

“Well things are different these days aren't they, you up here in your fancy house with your perfect wife and unborn child and all.” He’d meant for it to come out as a joke, or better yet, to not have come out at all. Instead he’d accidentally spit out a few months of frustrations with no warning.

Thomas’ head whipped around to stare at him with wide eyes. “Whoa, where’s this coming from.”

Jimmy felt heat spread to his ears and down his neck. “It's nothing, like I said. Just a bit tired is all.”

“That wasn’t nothing. And you wasn’t tired when you volunteered to help me paint this on your half day. So what’s the problem, talk to me Jimmy.” As he tended to when concerned about Jimmy, Thomas’ voice was kind and welcoming. To date, he hadn’t heard him speak as warmly to anyone else, apart from when speaking about his incoming kid, which was a point of pride to Jimmy.

“Well you’re just so bloody in love with her!” Jimmy finally snapped harshly, before slapping a hand over his mouth..

Thomas, weirdly, flinched back, turning his face away from Jimmy, and staring out of the window instead.

“What’s that face about? You are in love with her aren't you?” Jimmy joked, trying to break the tension a little.

“No, of course I’m not in love with her,” Thomas said seriously with a heavy sigh, “and in my defence, I never said we was.”

“What!” Jimmy exclaimed. “I was kidding! What the hell are you talking about, you're not in love with her? Of course you are! I was at the wedding.”

“Technically, you don’t strictly have to be in love to get married. Look at the Granthams, you can’t tell me true love is why they got married.”

“I think it’s implied in the whole marriage thing if you don’t have a massive house that's full of antiques and servants.” Jimmy said faintly, moving to sit down on the couch. “Does she know that?” Marrying a woman he would never love seemed a bit cruel, even for Thomas.

Thomas seemed to war with himself, before letting out another sigh and closing his eyes.

“She’s like me, y’know, homosexual, or whatever the woman equivalent is,” Thomas announced, tightening his arms around his waist. Jimmy was dumbstruck, he hadn’t really realised such women existed. 

“So what was the whole point in marrying each other then?” Jimmy asked. Thomas shrugged.

“She wasn’t ever going to get married otherwise, nor was I, and she wanted the security but not having to fake being in love with someone she never could. It was her idea, she’d heard about me when she started working at the abbey, and thought maybe I’d be onboard. And I was. She seemed nice enough, and we’ve become close friends since.” He shrugged again, for how much he was shrugging, he didn’t actually seem too casual. “We thought, and we were right by the way, that we could be happy, means I won’t get chased by the police, she won’t be a spinster,” he trailed off, thinking hard. “It’s nice, living with a friend, somewhere that's not full of people, having a space of my own. It’s comfortable you know?”

“You’re having a child together though? Pretty sure that wasn’t a friendly endeavor.” he said with slight hysteria.

“It was actually.” Thomas said with a wry, if uncomfortable, smile. “It wasn’t exactly that we were both overcome with desire, if that’s what you’re thinking. We just both wanted kids, and got lucky that it happened very quickly.”

Jimmy sat in a stunned silence for a while, overwhelmed with this new information. He felt his heart, which had seemed permanently heavy these days, start to lighten. Thomas continued to avoid his eyes.

“So,” he started nervously, “If you ever met someone, a man I mean, or you know, she met a woman like her, what would you do? Are you not ever going to…” he trailed off, not willing to verbally finish the question, but desperately hoping for an answer.

“If either of us found someone who liked us back, then yes, both me and Catherine can do what we want. I know we’re married, but we’re just friends. Still, odds are, it's not going to happen.”

“What do you mean, it's not going to happen?” Jimmy thought that, God willing, it very much could happen.

“Well I’m in my thirties now, hardly the pinnacle of youth, and I’m married with a kid, which will put most off from even thinking twice about me, I’m sure. Anyway, I’ll cross that bridge if I ever come to it.” He finally looked up from the floor, and gave Jimmy an unsure smile. “What do you think then, we’re going against what all of humankind should stand for?” He finished dramatically.

“You’re telling me that you, a man not the slightest bit interested in women, married one, got Grantham to give you a house, and got your wife pregnant within, what, two weeks of being married? And that you’ve done it all with a lavender woman you barely knew when you put a ring on her finger? And you’re both willing to shag anyone who you fancy?” He asked, dumbly.

“Well, yes, sounds a bit mad when you say it like that though.”

“It is, it’s absolutely looney Thomas. Never would have thought of it in a million years. But it is brilliant.” Thomas’ eyebrows rose in shock.

“Really? You think so?” Jimmy felt a huge grin stretch across his face.

“Yes, I do. It’s all very clever. But mostly ‘cus now I can do this.” He launched himself forward, flinging his arms around Thomas’ head, burying his fingers in the man’s ridiculously soft hair and smashed their lips together. He heard Thomas’ paintbrush clatter to the floor.

Thomas seemed to startle for a moment, before relaxing into the kiss, uncrossing his arms and placing his hands lightly on Jimmy’s hips. It was great, amazing, everything he’d been picturing for the last three months or so, and-

“Oh!” It was Catherine, Thomas’ wife, the homosexual wife of the homosexual Thomas who didn’t seem at all phased by seeing her husband passionately embracing their frequent house guest who was presumably yet another homosexual.

Jimmy felt himself forced backwards by hands on his shoulders. He looked over at Thomas who had a dumbstruck expression and was touching his red lips. Jimmy felt very distracted by his mussed hair, free from it’s usual strict style by Jimmy’s hands, it was standing up in places and was something he had never been privy to before.

“Oh no! Don’t mind me, carry on, carry on, I’ll just make myself busy in the garden or something! Though, I will just quickly let you know Tom, that Miss Brewsberry, you know, the tall, glamorous, one I was telling you about, she just told me that Mr Braightweight from the butchers-” Jimmy, for all that he had some begrudging affection for the woman, doubled by the knowledge of the past twenty minutes, could not bare to listen to another word she said. Thomas, for his part, was nodding along attentively, even if his eyes were completely glazed over and he was staring somewhere just over Catherine’s shoulder.

Catherine trailed off awkwardly “I’m going to stop talking now, I’ll be in the garden, um, enjoy yourselves!” she trailed off with a nervous, but nonetheless joyful laugh, and walked swiftly out of the room.

The air was thick with tension as the back door banged shut. Thomas seemed reluctant to even look at him.

“Do you regret that?” he said quietly.

“No,” Jimmy replied, voice steady as he moved towards Thomas again. “I don’t think I’ve ever regretted anything less in my life.” Cautiously, he reached out and placed his palm on Thomas’ neck, using his other hand to tilt up his face.

Thomas’ expression was not the besotted smile he was hoping for. Instead he was stone faced and began searching Jimmy’s face with quick eyes.

“Oh God, you regret it don’t you?” Jimmy blurted out, feeling his face fall dramatically.

That seemed to convince Thomas, as he too reached out to hold Jimmy’s face in his hands and finally began to smile. 

“No, Jimmy,” he said softly, “I don’t think I could ever regret that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, communication! Affection!
> 
> Also, to the person who figured it out in like chapter 2, congrats!


	6. Chapter 6

“I don’t really get what’s going here, though, if I’m being honest Jimmy,”

“Let’s just say that I’ve been wanting to do this for about, what, four months now,” Jimmy replied, in what he imagined was a coy voice.

“The yelling at me bit? Could have just written me a snide note you know,” Thomas drawled with an impassive face.

“No of course not the yelling b-” he paused in the middle of his indignation, “Oh you’re kidding, I knew that.”

“Yeah that’s you Jimmy, master of observation,” Thomas said affectionately.

“Well you’re one to talk! I’ve been mooning over you like Daisy for months now, and you never noticed.”

Thomas’ face softened from its smirk, instead settling on a soft smile. “Mooning over me were you?”

“A bit yeah,” Jimmy admitted, eyes locked on Thomas’ ear as he played with his collar distractedly. “Don’t suppose you’re still mooning over me are you?” 

“Mooning? No that’s not what I’d call it. Hopelessly in love with you and would do anything to make you happy? Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Thomas had never actually told him he loved him before, just heavily implied it, but this was so much better. It did pleasant things to Jimmy’s insides that an implication didn’t quite manage. He couldn’t help but smile besottedly at Thomas and haul him in for another searing kiss.

\---

He tucked his head into Thomas’ neck. They had moved to lie on Thomas’ worn, third-hand Chesterfield, after closing the curtain on the window that looked out onto the street.

“Have you done this before?” It was a needy question, asked in an even more desperate gasp. Any other time he would’ve collapsed in on himself in a puddle of mortification, but Thomas’ hand was very close to being down his trousers, so he felt he could be a bit vulnerable.

“A time or two, yeah” Thomas laughed breathlessly. “Had an affair with a Duke once.”

“Oh, good! One of us should know what we’re do- Did you just say you've done it with a Duke?” he exclaimed.

“Done it? How old are you again?” 

“Shut up! You’ve actually shagged a Duke?”

“The Duke of Crowborough if you can believe it,” Thomas said with a wry grin and a put on posh voice. He had not moved his wandering hand.

“With eyes like yours I can believe you’ve had it off with the King.” He hadn’t properly flirted with Thomas purposely before but he didn’t think he was doing too badly. Thomas at least partially agreed judging by the blush that has bloomed on his cheeks up to his ears. However, he definitely had a way to go though, if Thomas had the presence of mind to give him a roll of his eyes like he did.

“One day Thomas, you’ll stop surprising me.” A Duke, honestly, Jimmy would get the rest of that story out of him later. Maybe he’d get a chance to use his best persuasion skills.

“God, I hope not, you’re very beautiful when you’re dumbstruck.” It was Jimmy’s turn to blush.

“You can’t say stuff like that to me,” he said haughtily, the effect probably ruined by the smile he couldn’t keep off of his face. “It's not proper. You have to tell me how rugged and manly I look. Don’t forget tall, everyone forgets that one.”

Thomas laughed fondly at him. “Yes, I can imagine why they’d forget that one.”

“Now you’re going in the wrong direction! Insulting me isn’t part of this. Would Darcy do that to his Elizabeth? No! I should think not.”

“There’s three things wrong with that, I’m afraid. One, calling you short isn’t an insult, I think it's rather cute really.” Great, Jimmy was as red as a tomato again. “Two, I’m pretty sure that between the two of us, there’s going to be some insults as ‘part of this’. Three, Darcy absolutely insulted Elizabeth! It was the very first time they spoke to each other. Then his shite proposal half way through.”

“He was misunderstood! Once they knew they were in love with each other they didn’t go on at each other.”

Thomas faltered. “Is that what we are then, in love with each other?”

“Yeah Thomas, I reckon we are.” He leaned in to kiss the renewed, disbelieving smile off of his face again, and was determined not to stop until things had reached a mutually satisfactory conclusion.

\----

“Do I have to get up?” Jimmy whined, settling in deep where he lay on Thomas’ chest, turning his head to look out of the window. “It’s not even dark outside yet.”

“That’s why I can see the moon then is it? The lady of the house won’t be pleased if we don’t finish painting, we have had nearly all day.” Despite his comments, Thomas hadn't released his hand from his own, nor had he stopped petting his hair.

“Fine, I’ll go,” he said a minute or two later. Thomas waited for a moment after he’d spoken, then, when seeing he hadn’t moved a muscle, pinched him on the backside.

“Christ!” he yelped. “I’m going! I’m going!” 

He moaned wordlessly as he sat up, sighed with longing as he looked down at Thomas looking all warm and soft, tucked up in the blankets, and reached for his undershirt which had been flung onto an unused lamp.

“I don’t want to get up either, but what are you going to say when you have to wake up the house to get in tonight? ‘Sorry, was just having it off with Mr. Barrow, I’ll just be off to bed’.”

“I’ll just head back in the morning, then. Slip back in unnoticed while Carson’s absorbed in his breakfast.”

“Oh yes”, Thomas replied with a roll of his eyes, “that’ll be much less suspicious.”

Jimmy felt the implications keenly. “This is going to be difficult isn’t it? We’re not going to get what everyone else gets.”

“No,” said Thomas quietly as he sat up and leaned towards him, “We won’t. We’ll be able to tell Catherine, and that’s about it. We can’t live in a house together, and people won’t congratulate us for loving each other. We’ll have to be secretive and deny it if anyone else.” 

Jimmy sat heavily on the edge of the bed. “But we’ll be together. Screw the rest of them, they don’t have to like it. Besides, most of them know about you at least anyway and they haven’t set the police on you, apart from the ginger giant but he’s too scared of you to do it again.” That, at least, made Thomas look a bit more like himself, smirking as he lit a cigarette. “Plus, you’re in Carson’s good books now, what with the happy family act you’ve out on lately.”

“Not all an act! I’m going to be a father you know.” It was a clear attempt to change the subject, but Jimmy allowed it, he wasn’t going to make them talk about the negative aspects of their relationship. Besides, he wasn't convinced that anything but being together was going to make them happy, especially after the afternoon they’d had.

“Yeah, you are, crazy that. You better make them actually make them call me Uncle Jimmy, I won't settle for less!” He’d never really wanted children, nor to even be around them really, but he found himself eager to hold a tiny, innocent copy of Thomas. Thomas just smiled indulgently at him.

“You go restart the painting, I’ve got to change the sheets on the bed, Catherine won’t want to sleep on these.”

Jimmy froze in the doorframe, his shirt half buttoned, and swiveled to face him.. “Thomas, are you telling me that we had sex on your wife’s bed.”

But Thomas only shrugged nonchalantly as he efficiently stripped the linen and threw it in a heap on the floor, “Don’t get worrying about it, I had to walk in on her with the school teacher in the kitchen. The trauma of that’s worth something, surely”

“You’ve actually slept with her, how was that traumatic?”

“Trust me, those events are ones both of us are eager to forget.” Thomas shuddered dramatically. It made him look more adorable than any grown man had a right to be.

“At least you’re getting a baby though right?”

“Right. And I’ve got you, and Catherine,” Thomas said with a wide grin, “Pretty sure I’d go back into the trenches for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pride and Prejudice reference was based on a fic I'd read recently where Thomas had leant it to Jimmy. I thought it was a great fit for the ship and couldn't resist including it! Thank you for the inspiration! All your lovely comments have made writing this so much more enjoyable, thank you!
> 
> Edit: Decided to finish this story here for now, just seemed to reach a natural conclusion. Will probably be adding some more in a different fic with a different story at some point.  
> Thanks so much for reading


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